Friday, September 3, 2010

Birthday Boy

Wagwan people,

Yeah, u know how people get older once a year... what are those things called? ummm oh yeah

birthdays ,yeah thats it. I had one of those this week, *raise the roof* guess how old i am, WRONG

u missed it ( i'm sure u did lol)... moving on my birthday was just a regular old day, was in school

till 7 pm yeah awesome right?. school started this week too, very annoying. I was determined to

start off all determined and focused and and and... well that plan came crashing down by

wednesday, abeg back to my lazy self. life is so much easier when u don't care. Nawa for all my

relatives man, if u see how they disappeared, james Bond aint got nothing on them, but ill show

them, ill show them all *evil laff* lol.
i'm getting addicted to online shopping, i think i need to hide my card or something, its like any

shoe i see must be mine * my precious*

I love arguing.... so unto women, if only you knew what you wanted, yeah yeah we should be able

to tell somehow abi? guys have problems too sha, loads of them, but as i am a guy i am biased.
i had a friend of mine over for a week, lets jst say it was one of the longest weeks of my life. thats

probably why i'm bringing this up.. aite im done ranting
thinking of getting a tumblr account, everyone keeps raving bout it

twitter name @Eleyeth do ur thing

EB out...

ps... im legal now *victory dance*

Monday, August 2, 2010

Little Me, mini me, Evil EB

wats up people, EB here,

So EB decided to visit his childhood days, I was always a naughty kid, plus i just had that mischievous face. When something went wrong in the house, i'm the last born but my name would always come up first, and i would sneak out of the house faster than naeto C could say "Yes Boss". You know how your parents would use your full name when you're in trouble, well I got used to it after a while. I got so good at covering my pranks, I could rob Cbn and get away with it... like they would know i did it but no way to prove it and i would just be there with an evil grin. They would get me to sit down and say : look me in the eyes and tell me the truth, i would look them straight in the eye and say the complete opposite lol, I don't understand how looking in peoples eyes affects your ability to lie.
There was this one time that my dads wallet was errr reducing in size hehe, he came home n shouted: ELEYETH!!!
EB: yes daddy
Dad: some money is missing from my wallet
EB: really? where did you put it?
Dad: shut up, we are going to find out what happened to the money. call your brother now
EB: Okay
So i called my brother and everywhere went black, like all those interrogation scenes in movies with a lamp and the whole shabang, credit to my dad he tried hard, he put my bro and i in separate rooms to interrogate us. after bout 3o mins interrogating my brother it was my turn,
Dad: your brother has told me all what you do so just confess (good tactic. i know rite)
EB: I have no idea what you're talking about :)
it went on like that for a while but we never got to the bottom of it hehe. (not that i took it .. or did i) well you will never know.

All those times i got spanked.... no no beaten is more appropriate, spanking sounds tush like a slight tapping no no no, people had belts, kobokos, canes, my dad had these hausa slippers *shudder* Till this day i shiver when i see those things, My dad could have them off his feet n on your butt so fast you wouldn't even have time to flinch. As much as i feared those slippers i lived by a simple motto "its better to ask forgiveness than permission". yeah it gets me into a lot of trouble, but im still here so i say its a good way to live. So Dudes next time you see a hot girl on the bus grab her butt n ask forgiveness and ladies next time you see EB dont be afraid to say hi :)
On a final note, i leave you with a series of predictions inspired by paul the octopus; The sun is gonna shine tomorrow, but only after the moon goes down, you are gonna read this and laugh, you are gonna breathe in the next 5 seconds, MI is gonna be short, Terry G is gonna be razz, Im gonna save this post and put it up on my blog. I could go on with my ridiculous predictions but i wont lest i start to bore you, aite people , hug an eskimo, eat 50 pounds of raw meat with a side of lard...
EB out.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

hello world

wagwan pple,
tell me whats up whats happening, Whats up with me? nothing much thanks for asking,... oh wait u didn't, kmt evil people.
So ive been wondering why i decided to become a chemical engineer and so far i have absolutely no idea, other than to go n work in NNPC or shell to make money *evil grin* not that ill steal money or nothing no no im a saint o:). I dnt even know what chemical engineers do lol *embarrassed* now ur probably gonna say well do something you are passionate about abi? well unless theres a job that pays you to sleep im stumped. Yes i love sleep that much. Which brings me to my next point..
INCEPTION!!! yes yes its related to sleep so i was already biased before i watched it even, but still that movie was sick... so sick it shldve died hehe (forgive my dryness) but reall ythat movie was awesome times 6, i mean a dream in a dream in a dream in a dream ( i hope i got that right) everyone says its a little confusing but i got it pretty quick
Anyways im sure you all have important things to do and parties to go to, if u dont then ... feel free to read my entire blog. Just thought id stop by anyway so later people...
EB out

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

wagwan, summers here

wagwan pple,
i apologize for my disappearance in fact i doubt anyone will be here to read dis post, i dont blame u but u better come bak b4 i send viruses to all ur laptops *smile* So hows everyone doing? i know u missed me its not a question rili if i werent me i wld miss me too.
My lifes been going great thanks for asking ... oh wait u didn't. Summers here proceed to dance and komole. If u didnt notice summers here den u have issues ... shall i recommend a cozy bath in hot oil. Im Doing summer school and its long, boring, hot, and tiring but it has to be done. Complain as i may theres always a silver lining, its hot n the hot girls have decided to show off their hot legs in some short skirts making the heat of summer but a little annoyance :D. And no i am not a pervert i just appreciate the good things in life ... like hot legs.
Next is my new found interest in the nigerian music industry, (no i cant rap n no i dont sing ) i can dance tho ... anyways i started listening to a whole lot of them and i realise they are pretty off the chain, examples Mr endowed, and jonzing world if u dont like them sit in a gutter and eat ice cubes :). lol . i think they are cool. yh yh EB djayed at a party the other day strictly naija songs. was fun i left my post to go n dance tho lol well i wasnt gonna miss the party now was i?
SO i have cleaned the cobwebs on my blog and apologized for the pain my absence must surely have caused u. That being said ill depart n hope for your comments
EB out.

Monday, March 8, 2010

We do this

sup pple EB here...
So im addicted to my blackberry for real. I just cant drop that thing. I'm almost always with it once im not in class or sleeping.even when im walkin on d road lol.
Took an IQ test and it turns out im pretty smart; i got a 135 :) top 1% in the world lol im feeling pretty smug dnt mind me, its just mr funny dat motivated me.
schools going gud not too strenuous jst managing, midterms coming up soon sigh but I got it.
Went 4 this church sleepover.. from friday till sunday see us eatin like wow i ate like maadd im thinkin that will sha help my weight gainin plan, i gained almost 10 alredi hehe *applause* lol. We actually didn't sleep much. They discovered how to put toothpaste in pples eyes when they are sleeping, so we all stayed up n pasted pple.then d gyming thing is just stress yo, everyday i talk myself out of it, oh dnt look at me like dat i have pacs :P lol.
I'm getting old but I like it sha, at least once im 18 ill b able to do some things. There are just some things that annoy me about being under 18 but in a few months it shall be no more,
aite as u probably figured out, i have nothin to say
see ya
EB out.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

hello world: life lessons

hello world EB here...
life lessons ... never attack an armed officer never steal tomatoes from mushin market ... there are cooler ways to die. courtesy mr funny honey money.
Never tell your mother you want to get a tattoo ... She would beat u till ur white... there are cooler ways to change nationality.
Never be gay there are too many fine girls in this world...not 4 girls sha
Do Not wear an arsenal jersey... ever... arsenal sucks.
Never admit to anything till the last minute ... its d childs way of life.
Never try to fly... it hurts.
Never hit women especially short women... its just cowardice plus they are troublesome.
Never have a pepper eating contest with your older siblings ...odds are they would pick tomatoes... nuff said.
Talk to the wierd kid in your class ... he might spare you when he snaps.
Never tell a girl you love her if you don't ... Karma's a b****.
Never believe your mum when it comes to a hospital ... trust no one they lie.
Never go to silverbird on saturdays .. too many juveys lol
Never answer ur girlfriend if she asks if a girl is prettier than her ... yes or no its still suicide.
Always check for ur wallet before a date ... embarassing otherwise.
Always make sure ur girlfriend is wearing shoes before you say "i like your shoes". the resultin smack will sting.
Never break up with a girl without telling someone where you are... she might be small... she might be mighty.
If u are going to forge your report card do it right... i personally kno d results of mistakes.
If you are going to confess to something then don't do it.
several more rules there are but i Shant keep u here any longer.
see ya
EB out.

Monday, January 25, 2010

the metabolism of a formula 1 car and The problem with females.(not by me)

Sup sup EB's here again. guess what im watchin... chicken little, hilarious movie. that was my name in high school actually was kinda small bak then. n the movie jst came out n i was dubbed chicken little kinda liked it after a while sha. sha i started school on friday, its cool n all but its stress gettin there. For a nine o clock class, I have to be up by 6:30 imagine,.. run to d bus stop take 2 buses and then wait for it ,,, not yet... here it comes... A TRAIN yes all dat to and from d skl, but c'est la vi rite. la vita e complicata (im on fire lol).
On to the title, ive been here 4 about 2 weeks now, been eatin like a whale ok fine a little more than a whale lol n i havent gained nata, my metabolism refuses to allow such my sis keeps sayin she wishes she was like me. either way thats besides the point i need to gain weight n then gym n get huge. My sis almost bashed today ... cant wait to get my permit.
aite sha EB out imma post a note i saw online its hilarious

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
Sure" replied her lover "What's your phone number?"
A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you
identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The young woman opened her
handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me
A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been
illiterate for so long."
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss
to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager
kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

Finally, the guys side of the story!!
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down ! We always hear
"the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please pay attention to number 1...

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one..

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the
tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of
the tree.

Moral of the story? Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you