Monday, January 25, 2010

the metabolism of a formula 1 car and The problem with females.(not by me)

Sup sup EB's here again. guess what im watchin... chicken little, hilarious movie. that was my name in high school actually was kinda small bak then. n the movie jst came out n i was dubbed chicken little kinda liked it after a while sha. sha i started school on friday, its cool n all but its stress gettin there. For a nine o clock class, I have to be up by 6:30 imagine,.. run to d bus stop take 2 buses and then wait for it ,,, not yet... here it comes... A TRAIN yes all dat to and from d skl, but c'est la vi rite. la vita e complicata (im on fire lol).
On to the title, ive been here 4 about 2 weeks now, been eatin like a whale ok fine a little more than a whale lol n i havent gained nata, my metabolism refuses to allow such my sis keeps sayin she wishes she was like me. either way thats besides the point i need to gain weight n then gym n get huge. My sis almost bashed today ... cant wait to get my permit.
aite sha EB out imma post a note i saw online its hilarious

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
Sure" replied her lover "What's your phone number?"
A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you
identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The young woman opened her
handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me
A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been
illiterate for so long."
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss
to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager
kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

Finally, the guys side of the story!!
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down ! We always hear
"the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please pay attention to number 1...

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one..

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the
tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of
the tree.

Moral of the story? Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you

Sunday, January 10, 2010

IN ATTENDANCE ELEYETH BLAZE: d freezin cold n all

hey y'all, probably wondering about my status huh well here goes EB is now in US raise the roof schoolin here now. So on to business this freezing ac that yall have everywhere can someone please turn it off :). seriously tho its freezin as in see me shakin like a leaf, i had to sleep with gloves n socks imagine Nigeria dat ull be lookin 4 ac everywhere im tryin to find sun. Saw snow 4 d firs ttime (yh i kno im bush) i tried to make a snow ball didnt work man its harder than it looks then my cousin made fun of me n i was cold so i ran inside.
Entered 3 planes in one day so freakin tired had a stop over in morrocco Casablanca, funny name sounds like a bomb or something terminator wld say like"ill blow u straight to casablanca" lol got searched but not as bad as everyone said tho. imagine me not being able to finish a burger but it was huge sha lol i jst threw d rest away.
On the upside a lotta pple r gna miss me most importantly d girl in my old high skl yh im happy n some other people. Mr funny honey money didnt get to laff at me either in ur face boy. hung out wuth skinny legs b4 i left made fun of 2 of my fat friends lol. Got a lotta plans here. Either way i aint in unilag anymore arrivederci (did i get that rite) mtchew im sha gna miss the ex high skl girl. sigh.
p.s the friend mr funny was referrin to in his blog dat had 2 strands yh ... dat was me lol but now i have several so :p lol.
p.s.s im gonna miss a few pple too.
EB out

Saturday, January 2, 2010

happy new year

sup y'all been a while, ive been busy sue me lol. So wats bn goiin? on watd i miss. OH happy new year. spent my new yrs eve at church was cool. EBs been busy sha o went to Abuja for christmas my mums bday (yes t-mama's bday is on christmas day) so we called all her friends n had a series of comments made about her. it was hilarious then had a party. it was all good n i still didnt get fat lol.
Well d girl i sed i was goin 4 yh u knw my birthday mate well... d one wit d boyfriend lol we bn talkin a lot sha but i gotta stop due to unforseen circumstances not all of us can be like sugarking rite lol.
Sigh my car got seized. why u ask? bcos of my mother. went out with some pple d other day n my mum called 4 one miscellaneous thing sha me n my overconfident self i tld her i went to cinemas n she went berserk dat i dint tell her i was goin???? imagine did she wanna c a movie too or wat lol sha she nw went n told my dad who dsnt knw i have a licence n he said that i jst take d car 4 granted yadi yadi yadda so bottom line they seized my car key. sigh.
I actually didnt make any new year resolutions this year smh, the ex is back in lagos n we bth knw we dnt wanna see but she faked joy n gave me her no so i have to fake n call back sigh.
The new year has been going spectacularly, great awesome im happy.
happy new year pple.